This article was first published in The Clarity Journal, our WyeWorks newsletter on leadership, uncertainty, and the craft of self-management. If you’d like to receive new editions as they come out, you can subscribe below.
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My oldest daughter is in the phase of school dictations.
Every other Friday, she has to write two to four sentences in English, dictated by her teacher, trying to make as few mistakes as possible. A quote by Jocko Willink recently reminded me of how we prepare for those tests:
“You can’t make people listen to you. You can’t make them execute. That might be a temporary solution for a simple task. But to implement real change, to drive people to accomplish something truly complex or difficult or dangerous—you can’t make people do those things. You have to lead them.” — Jocko Willink (Extreme Ownership)
Practicing dictation is a real challenge…
Some days she comes home from school with no energy for anything. Not for showering. Not for eating. And certainly not for practicing dictation. In those moments—when my emotions have me backed into a corner—my worst version tends to show up.
I switch to “beast mode” mode and start shouting: “Dictation! Now!”
The problem is that no matter how loudly I shout or how insistently I point at the whiteboard, nothing moves her from where she’s standing. It’s like yelling at a lamppost.
Sometimes, after pushing long enough, she’ll take a step toward the board. But the illusion quickly fades when I see her drawing flowers and doodles on autopilot.
And then there are the good days…
Days when she laughs, has fun, and learns along the way. Days when she’s open to feedback and incorporates suggestions in the blink of an eye. We end by taking a picture of her words on the board.
What I’ve noticed is that my approach determines the kind of day we’ll have. If I’m anxious and in a rush, it’s a day best forgotten. If I’m calm and present, it becomes a memorable one.
In some way, I set the tone of the room. The atmosphere spreads. My daughter picks up on that energy and tunes herself to the same frequency.
From calmness, fun emerges.
I bring out colored markers so she can write each word in a different color. Or I invent a point system for every correct word. Any idea that turns the task into a game seems to work.
The challenge also needs to be well calibrated.
When I dictate the entire sentence in one go, mistakes pile up and the session drags on. That’s usually what happens when I’m anxious and stressed. Too much correction overwhelms her, dims her inner spark, and almost guarantees worse results the next day.
The best strategy has been to move in small steps. One sentence per day. Or sometimes not even that—just three carefully chosen words: two easy ones and one difficult. That keeps each session light, boredom-free, and guarantees progress.
This brings to mind a quote from Bill Campbell (Trillion Dollar Coach):
“Leadership is recognizing that there is greatness in everyone, and your job is to create an environment where that greatness can emerge.”
Tension brings out the worst in her. Raised voices and closed ears never lead anywhere positive. She needs her greatness to be recognized, not forced out of her.
She shows up as her best self when she chooses to take part in the process. When she can see the value of doing so. When we enjoy and celebrate progress—and strengthen our bond with every word she masters.
On the best days, I’m not forcing.
On the best days, I’m leading.
— Rodrigo
Clarity & Leadership at WyeWorks.
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